Teaching the weak ones

I talked with my Head of Panel. Both of us almost give up on our students. Frankly speaking, we don’t even know that they are so weak at one point that they cannot even write simple sentences properly. As teachers, we try our best to prepare students for the exam, but at the same time, we are also trying our best to fill up the empty spaces- providing students with their need before the examination day.

Up until this moment, we are still clueless on things that we can or cannot do, should or should not do. Does a module will fix all the problems instantly? That’s what I always think of as we think that they are not ready for the exam because they do not really know the format and how to score in the examination. The question is, does that really matter? How do great linguists or Malay people became good in English and could really speak or write well?

Is it because of the environment?

Classroom inputs?

Personal motivation/ interest?

Constant supports from other people (teachers, peers, parents, and community)?

 

Personally, I believe that it comes from various factors. Teachers could be the main reason of why students can be so excellent in English. Constant input is vital in making sure that students can consistently practicing the language itself. Organizing a well-planned lesson throughout the year is also important in making sure that the lesson is working really well in achieving the final goal.

 

I guess I need to reflect myself daily as a teacher. Not in the lesson plan’s reflection (that’s waaaaay too short! Haha). I have to really understand the problem and find a solution ASAP!

 

 

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The unanswered questions

 

WHEN-nothing-goed-right-go-left

Have you ever feel really bad because someone that you expected to reply to your messages never replied to you? That is how I feel right now when I am looking for answers in life, when I haven’t received any replies or answers to all my questions.

The questions are so simple:

  1. Who do I want to be?
  2. What should I be?
  3. How can I be a better person?
  4. Where am I going?
  5. When should I start changing myself?
  6. Do I really need to change?
  7. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

The final question is the toughest one. Sometimes and most of the times you don’t get an instant reply on things that are not doing right. You have to ask yourself these questions and analyze your daily routines. Sometimes I tend to get messed up with my emotions. Well, that could be due to so many reasons; hormonal, busy daily schedule, or stress. Since I started my working life, I have the tendency to ignore my spiritual needs. Well, I do perform my daily prayers, I fast on Ramadhan… But sometimes I tend to feel something is missing. As if your life is incomplete. There is something inside you that yearn for something extra. It needs additional attention than usual.

Back then, when faced such internal conflict, I tend to write in my personal journal. I just write down any sadness, dissatisfaction, or stressful events that’s happening in my life. I did not have to worry because no one is reading my journal (hopefully). I was being truthful to myself, and started to identify what was wrong with me. From here, I came out with some intervention plans. Things that I think are practical and previously worked on me, which might also helps in the future. I tried, and it really went out well. I was happier than before. I felt that my life journey was smoother and all the burdens were taken away from me.

My senior used to tell me this most useful advise;

“If you feel that there is something wrong with your life, and you start to feel uneasy, try to check on things that you usually do, in which you have not done it anymore at this moment”

That is the best thing I have ever heard! I reevaluate myself, and checked on my ibadah. Perhaps I haven’t been reciting al-ma’thurat quite a while. It is quite challenging for me to start doing that small habit again since I am ‘busier’ as compared to my life as a student. But the truth is… it is all depends on your determination. I am quite disappointed sometimes when I am not able to do something, even the smallest deeds constantly (or we call it as istiqamah). To maintain the consistency is part of our jihad in going against our nafs. 


I am glad that I finally wrote this. I am thinking of having a formal learning on Islamic knowledge. You know, in a systematic way…. I am always inspired by some celebrities in their journey in finding their own spiritual paths in life. It is good to see how much people change through knowledge, and having a pure understanding about something is a miraculous thing as you can finally change your perspective in life! I wish to find that better perspective… I had my degree, I have a nice job. I could say that I have everything that I have ever wished for since my childhood life. I just need to find the REAL thing now. Who am I going to be in the next few years? What can I do to help others?

But most importantly, what can I do to please my Creator?

 

 

Questions left unanswered, but I won’t give up.

May Allah ease your path and my path in this journey.

Ameen.

Life’s lessons #1

I am too afraid of the real world out there. I ignored almost everything and makes my life vulnerable. I forget to really enjoy life. And most importantly, to constantly remember that my life’s fate has been written by Him. All I need to do is just do my best in everything, and believe in Him. Believe in every single choices that I make in my life. It’s written in Luh Mahfuz. Believe in qada’ & qadar, & it reminds me of the concept of tawakkal. 

I would like to thank a friend of mine for reminding me about this. Let’s be a lot more braver!

Thanks Bos

The painful sad truth

Sometimes people hate the truth, and sometimes people like it. In my case, I like the truth at this moment. I prefer to tell the truth to the people that are supposed to know about it. I just can’t… I have not enough courage to express my feelings and my thoughts. Am I a coward?

I always have trouble in telling what I really feel. I am afraid of perceptions. I want to take good care of my image. I’d rather be invisible from people’s sights… I prefer those who can really see, to see me. I do not want those who cannot really see me, to look at me and understand me in a wrong way.

In reality, people don’t really understand you. They will never be in your shoes. Unless, it is the one who you tell all your dirty little secrets. And I still couldn’t found one. I wish I have someone to tell every single problem, and thought that I have, and that person is willing to be a good listener. I am not saying that I’m tired of becoming a listener… But sometimes, I just want to be… heard of…

This simple poem entitled “Sad I Ams” by Trevor Millum can really be understandable by me. It makes sense to me… In my context now. I guess, being a writer is so much fun than being a lecturer or motivator, any kind of people who need to speak. Through writing, I can express things that I want to without getting any feedback. All people do is read, and think. I guess I really am, an intrinsic people… I just have no idea how to put my thoughts into words! I guess I have no talent in speaking or persuading people.

Well, I just don’t know. I love writing ever since I was in my teenage life. I don’t know how to share or express my feelings. I’m too noob for that, I guess… So if I’m writing something for you, believe me, it comes straight from my heart. 🙂

To end this entry, I think this article might helps;

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Truth-when-It-Hurts

Hope I’ll find the truth at the end of the tunnel!

Something to ponder about teaching writing…

“The teacher who strives only to have students increase their skills, is generally wasting her time until she interests them in WANTING to write, in having a PURPOSE in writing, and in writing with HONESTY and RESPONSIBILITY. It is not always possible within the constraints of the syllabus and school environment to do this but they need to act as pedagogic lighthouses towards which you move.”

Paul Anderson (1964)

Final year reflection (Part 1)

#Repost from the draft. Dah jadi pekasam dah. LOL.

I am currently having my semester break. It’s a short one, just for a month. I am freaking out for next week’s practicum. We need to register and proceed with the teaching practice! It’s time to put all the theories into practice, people! Well, that is not so simple. You’ve got to be well-prepared before you can teach. But, as what my friend used to ‘said’ in a whatsapp conversation; “Since we are still in the teaching practice, so it is still considered as learning, isn’t it? It’s just that we don’t need to go to classes anymore.”  As for me, making mistakes is okay, because you are still in the process of learning, but since you are about to have REAL students (this is no longer a normal lecture presentation), you need to be as perfect as possible, make the learning meaningful and purposeful. Your supervisor might give positive or negative feedback and comments based on your teaching style or classroom management. But one thing that you need to remember is never EVER give up. This was what my ‘Teaching Grammar for secondary schools’ lecturer said. You are facing students with ‘weird’ behaviors. Students nowadays are not the same as during our era, seriously. They are acting differently, and might have known things more than you do.

As I was travelling from Kuala Lumpur back to Terengganu, I thought of things that I worried about; my practicum. I’ve started to feel guilty for things that I’ve missed throughout my 3 and a half year studying in campus. So here, I’m sharing this so that you won’t go through the same ‘guiltiness’ as I do. 😉

List of things that I regret on my final year (Before the final semester):

  • I don’t know much.
  • I don’t read a lot (I am too lazy to walk to the library, or even to read books related to my course).
  • I did not practice what I have learned consistently.
  • I didn’t really know people around me; my friends, classmates, roommates, and lecturers.
  • I wasn’t so active in social work (clubs especially. But I did join students’ association which I am so grateful of those experiences & meeting  and working with awesome people around me 🙂 )
  • I did not stay long at school during my School Orientation Programme (SOP). We were supposed to complete a month of practicum at school, observing as well as completing reports. My colleague asked for the lecturers to cut it down for 2 weeks only. I was too excited to stop going to school in which I think there’s no problem for me to stay any longer.

Yes I do

Yeah… Let’s move forward!