A scene of desolation

You were covered with sweat

Filled with joy

Until a time bomb stopped ticking

Only you could feel the explosion

Your iced heart stopped beating for one second

After a moment of joy

Comes a new phase of life

You hid yourself under the veil

invisible and unseen

Experiencing your hands are being tied

Your body was slowly drowning

Into the deepest freezing ocean

Until one moment

I tried reaching your hands

stretching my arms as far as I could

until all I could touch is the end of your fingertips

both of us froze abruptly

Stopped moving nor trying

I thenceforth realized that

Your legs are

Being tied.


The differences between us- the concrete jungle, and the kampung style.

I used to have a very honest comment, that I dressed like a kampung girl. I guess I understand how it feels like, being judged that way- part of me tried to deny the harsh comment, but I guess there’s some truth in those words. I really am a kampung girl.

I guess there’s nothing wrong from being who you really are. And I wish to take things positively- I am changing slowly for a better me. Not just physically, but most importantly I have to grow up as a wiser person. That is the only thing that people cannot interpret instantly, unless they know you very well… However, I learnt a new lesson- first impression is so important! So there’s no harm in changing the way you look, for a better you, and to make yourself feel more confident as you meet others.

Nevertheless, I don’t mind if you regard me as a kampung girl, ’cause I am. 🙂 And I am proud of it. I had a good childhood life living in a small town known as Tanah Rata & Dungun. I become an intrinsic person because of my surroundings as well-I guess I love to reflect myself more. Writing does help, and I am thankful that I am writing a post today! Yeeeeeha!

P/s: To the person who said that I looked like a kampung girl, I’d love to thank you, as you inspire me to write this post after months of not posting a single thread on my blog! Haha

Teaching the weak ones

I talked with my Head of Panel. Both of us almost give up on our students. Frankly speaking, we don’t even know that they are so weak at one point that they cannot even write simple sentences properly. As teachers, we try our best to prepare students for the exam, but at the same time, we are also trying our best to fill up the empty spaces- providing students with their need before the examination day.

Up until this moment, we are still clueless on things that we can or cannot do, should or should not do. Does a module will fix all the problems instantly? That’s what I always think of as we think that they are not ready for the exam because they do not really know the format and how to score in the examination. The question is, does that really matter? How do great linguists or Malay people became good in English and could really speak or write well?

Is it because of the environment?

Classroom inputs?

Personal motivation/ interest?

Constant supports from other people (teachers, peers, parents, and community)?


Personally, I believe that it comes from various factors. Teachers could be the main reason of why students can be so excellent in English. Constant input is vital in making sure that students can consistently practicing the language itself. Organizing a well-planned lesson throughout the year is also important in making sure that the lesson is working really well in achieving the final goal.


I guess I need to reflect myself daily as a teacher. Not in the lesson plan’s reflection (that’s waaaaay too short! Haha). I have to really understand the problem and find a solution ASAP!



The unanswered questions



Have you ever feel really bad because someone that you expected to reply to your messages never replied to you? That is how I feel right now when I am looking for answers in life, when I haven’t received any replies or answers to all my questions.

The questions are so simple:

  1. Who do I want to be?
  2. What should I be?
  3. How can I be a better person?
  4. Where am I going?
  5. When should I start changing myself?
  6. Do I really need to change?

The final question is the toughest one. Sometimes and most of the times you don’t get an instant reply on things that are not doing right. You have to ask yourself these questions and analyze your daily routines. Sometimes I tend to get messed up with my emotions. Well, that could be due to so many reasons; hormonal, busy daily schedule, or stress. Since I started my working life, I have the tendency to ignore my spiritual needs. Well, I do perform my daily prayers, I fast on Ramadhan… But sometimes I tend to feel something is missing. As if your life is incomplete. There is something inside you that yearn for something extra. It needs additional attention than usual.

Back then, when faced such internal conflict, I tend to write in my personal journal. I just write down any sadness, dissatisfaction, or stressful events that’s happening in my life. I did not have to worry because no one is reading my journal (hopefully). I was being truthful to myself, and started to identify what was wrong with me. From here, I came out with some intervention plans. Things that I think are practical and previously worked on me, which might also helps in the future. I tried, and it really went out well. I was happier than before. I felt that my life journey was smoother and all the burdens were taken away from me.

My senior used to tell me this most useful advise;

“If you feel that there is something wrong with your life, and you start to feel uneasy, try to check on things that you usually do, in which you have not done it anymore at this moment”

That is the best thing I have ever heard! I reevaluate myself, and checked on my ibadah. Perhaps I haven’t been reciting al-ma’thurat quite a while. It is quite challenging for me to start doing that small habit again since I am ‘busier’ as compared to my life as a student. But the truth is… it is all depends on your determination. I am quite disappointed sometimes when I am not able to do something, even the smallest deeds constantly (or we call it as istiqamah). To maintain the consistency is part of our jihad in going against our nafs. 

I am glad that I finally wrote this. I am thinking of having a formal learning on Islamic knowledge. You know, in a systematic way…. I am always inspired by some celebrities in their journey in finding their own spiritual paths in life. It is good to see how much people change through knowledge, and having a pure understanding about something is a miraculous thing as you can finally change your perspective in life! I wish to find that better perspective… I had my degree, I have a nice job. I could say that I have everything that I have ever wished for since my childhood life. I just need to find the REAL thing now. Who am I going to be in the next few years? What can I do to help others?

But most importantly, what can I do to please my Creator?



Questions left unanswered, but I won’t give up.

May Allah ease your path and my path in this journey.


Random Post after 1 year + being a school teacher…?

I always end up having lots of drafts. I wanted to write this and that, then postponed, and I have already forgotten to edit them… So I think I just need to write whatever that crosses my mind at this moment! ^_^


I have already stayed in FELDA for almost two years time now. I think I can adapt quite well with my environment, work, and students . Sadly, one of my gangs has been posted to another school. So it’s just the two of us now. I have lots of new year’s resolutions too! (Well, I think it’s still not too late to share them now, it’s just February anyway :p ).

Some of my resolutions are ….

  1. to be well-prepared in everything I do
  2. get myself to be more productive (sounds too general. Well, that’s my yearly resolution!)
  3. have positive and supportive environment (surround myself with positive-minded people and create a good ‘mood’ in my work-space or at home)
  4. Get some furniture and paint the house!
  5. give more, expect less, but you can always expect something good out of something.
  6. have a strong faith in everything that Allah has provided a.k.a. REDHA

It’s some sort of a spiritual journey, I tend to understand myself more when I am living far away from my family. You tend to be more independent. I am glad that I have Izi, a very supportive friend, a good company too. I don’t know which one of us will get married first, but I wish we’ll get married on the same year! (Hahah! Out of topic!)

My second year…. I would say is easier than the first one. You have already get used to everything. The first moments might be a bit tough. I admit that I was not so good at everything. My work was a mess. We never learned on how to mark or count register, how to use all the online systems in campus. Hence, you become a student again in the real working condition.

However, remember that teaching is our main core business. Focus on the teaching of the skills… The grade falls on the second in my priority list, and that is what I believe when I teach students in Felda for a year. Even though their marks are not so satisfying as compared to students in the city, I wish that they learn at least how to speak in English. Perhaps certain new information from my class, or new vocabulary, new grammar rules, new memories…

’till then.



The invisible string



It was unclear

Every time I tried to run as far as I could

You reappeared in my life

You followed me everywhere I go

Like a ghost.

I wish I am as free as the birds flying on the sky

Not afraid of going anywhere I wish to

Because I believe

Deep down

That He has written something for me

My rizq, the day and place that I will surely die…



Sadly, you are holding me down

Like an invisible string

The one that I could not find to cut it away to set myself free

I told you to let me go slowly

I don’t want to be attached

Inch by inch

I received less questions

Less jokes

Less thoughts

You slowly fade away

What’s left in my mind is the memory of you.

You’re still haunting me day by day

Every single second of my life

I wish it was easier

But it is not

Because controlling these invisible things is like catching the air

It’s unseen, but you surely feel it’s presence

Though I am not in control of it

I am pretty sure that


I will be just


Haiku #1: Togetherness

I remember when I taught my form 1 students about haiku and how to write them. I got several nice haikus and was a bit impressed with their capability of writing their own haiku. Here’s one of my favorites:


Today I am in love,

Tomorrow I am with you,

Soon I am missing you…

I love this haiku as it shows phases of a relationship, that nothing stays stagnant all the time. Sometimes you have to go through separation for your own goodness, or because of fate. It shows that life isn’t always the same. We don’t know of our future.